*Writing great thoughts is painful for me–which is precisely why they’re the only kinds of thoughts I attempt to chronicle.*
In life, it is neither rational to require the most, nor just to expect the least.
When I arrived in Texas a few months back, that’s precisely what I thought to myself. Sometimes it’s not about you arriving at a place, but rather, the place arriving at you. When you arrive at a place, presumably, you’re the one in control. But what happens when the place comes to you? If chance favors the prepared mind, how prepared are you to deal with your mind? How does one extract control from a form endowed with infinite power?
I hold these talks in my mind that echo off the eardrums of my thoughts. As they reverberate throughout my being, I find myself suspended in a state of constant contemplation no matter what state I’m in. As someone who has become accustomed to evaluating the myriad circumstances which produce and constitute pain, I freed myself with the reality that there is no system of measurement by which the significance of one wrong choice can be made certain–much less an entanglement of them.
There’s no more debilitating a judgement chamber in the eyes of a man than that of his own perfectly imperfect mind. I wonder how a mind can consent to trust its honor, power, happiness, safety, and respect to a man with judgement so imperfect as mine. The imperfections that decorate the results of the choices I’ve spent a lifetime making render it all the more incredible to me that I am still entrusted with wielding its authority.
When I sit down at the table riddled with guilt over how and why I’ve mishandled my potential, I look to divest myself of this burden of guilt. That’s what I hope. In reality, the mountain of guilt is fortified further. Despite all my errors, forgiveness falls upon my mind. With the shower of augmentations that can only come from overcoming depression, my mind continues to be entrusted with additional powers capable of furnishing my physical world with heightened status, wealth, and all increase that accompanies such. Garnished with spicy slices of mistakes made yet not yet learned from, it makes for a brew as deadly as it is intoxicating. Intoxicating because so many of us find ourselves drinking from that fountain daily as well we should, for we’re the ones who make it. We drink our own wrath.
When I fall before the knees of my own suffering, I think of the pain that results as the only cure of this incurable. The armature of trauma beneath the surface of each letter conveys all manner of action and reaction depending upon how I arrange the words that materialize. For instance, whenever I mess up, my mind is pregnant with words. I find them scattered all over my battlefield of thoughts which are akin to an entangled traffic jam on the 405 or 285 (635 isn’t that bad compared to those two!). It fascinates me that a particular thought–one carefully birthed and put into action–is so often one of those refinements which, when acted on, has or leaves an effect the reverse of what is expected from it. So many times this has happened to me, I’m convinced I continue to lack control over my intended direction. Victory at best is injuriously delayed, or, at worst, fatally out of reach.
Writing is my guided attempt for me to take back control. In a minority verses majority order, compromise takes place constantly for want of reasonable accommodation. That’s one of the ways the mind conducts its business in the background while you go on throughout your day. A mistake made can be my biggest enemy or my newest asset. I used to react purely to how much good was prevented by its occurrence, thereby bringing myself down. When one does not pay attention to the mischief occasioned with feelings of loneliness or bouts of depression, obstruction of any good to result from the mistake itself is certain.
Real living takes place when we create something that endures. An original thought is an exertion I savor. But nothing is more defective than a magnificent mind without any action taken. Action expounds and defines and even transcends the true meaning of the thought. These two elements, together, are indispensable for your happiness. If your idea of success is getting what you want, these two powers must act in concert with each other. I’ve found that when using them, alternately, well… the results are disastrous. Uniformity in your determinations is key. This is not the time to be made of shattered pieces. You must think of yourself as ONE and you will act as ONE.
When life fights you, that is when you learn what you’re made of. This is about more than becoming a better you. This is about being liberated even from oneself. We allow the world, and the material desires that populate it the power to make requisitions upon our hearts for allotments of our souls. The greed gives birth to a never ending whirlwind of circumstances replete with obstructions designed to outbid us of our joy.
As I try to zoom in and analyze a system of my thoughts I cannot help but shake the mysterious feeling that by doing so, I look with deference back to that master power to which they owe their life. It seems that everything we do, especially those things that turn out badly, we owe to the infractions of the mind. Much like a beautiful death. You know the ending but yet and still, you can’t look away. A bad choice, and the follow-through that comes with taking action are in many ways just the same.
The moment you want something you don’t need is the moment your life becomes difficult.
It’s impossible to do this life perfectly. Setbacks and all the punches and kicks that come with them are the seemingly incorrigible addicts that knock you down yet make you want to keep bouncing back. When you find understanding in what you’ve done wrong, that is when you are propelled forward. At which point, again, you will be kicked and punched, perhaps, even harder than before. Having been staggered or knocked down, it’s up to fate whether you are knocked out. If or when you come back to consciousness, you decide whether to stay down or work your way back up. We can all relate to this–such is life.
It’s harder to get right than to stay right.
Your problems and the issues that stick to them like sand on a wet sock may be compared to a buildup, which will in time, be washed away by the rinse cycle your solutions provide. The amount of soap provided for you to come out clean on the other side is automatically regulated by the attention paid to it from your mind. That pure singular stream of power which flows from the fountain of your creator inherently has access to every answer for every riddle it encounters.
Still though, as you endeavor to influence the outcome of everything that perturbs you, the uniformity of obstacles that inhibit you, and influence your conduct, will continue to do so, and at every step, fight to deny you of any momentary convenience. Under that light of examination which only a mind can provide, we know the preceding to be true. We also know to be true that there is no better problem solver than the gem between your ears. I dare say there is no claim of your attention that is beyond the reach of your imagination and your capacity to physically manifest precisely what you envision.
It’s all too easy for you to want to succumb and give in. This is a case of it being easier to give up than to keep going. The darkness and the negativity has a way of putting your gifts to sleep–this is an example of you committing the most injurious of all impediments against yourself–the belief that you are not worthy nor deserving of anything more than an existence that is to be submerged in slow cooking bath of fear. You go from drinking the wages of shame to bathing yourself in them. Do not long forget that you are in possession of every end that you envision, for you have the means by which it is to be attained. For most of us, the tragic folly arises with our own lack of understanding when it comes to truly recognizing what we were freely given by the Almighty.
YOU are being tested. Don’t fall for it.
Being that there is no crystal ball, it is impossible to foresee or define the variety and the extent of each circumstance that you encounter. These challenges are impossible to number, and the size and shape of every shackle embedded with every challenge varies from the one before it. The answers that follow can be argued, reasoned, and executed by you even without the full command of your understanding. In this infinite space of time, when I find myself adrift in the follies and rewards of being a lost soul, I always try and remember there’s a lesson to be learned. The riches learned are infinitely more valuable than the riches gained. As soon as the significance of that revelation penetrates my consciousness, the enormity of it overtakes those issues or concerns that were once in full control of my mind.
As an inquisitive inquirer of why we exist, the fact that each of us is entrusted to the management of our own lives gives us a never ending degree of unconfined authority. In isolation, when I think of all the powers I’ve been vested with, it’s easy for me to convince myself that life ought to be easier. When I place my optimism alongside all the reasons why I can’t do something, under just consideration, my inspection always renders my disposition with the belief that anything is possible.
Nothing should render you unworthy of your confidence in yourself.
Ultimately, no satisfactory argument can be framed denying you of your worth. Your difficulty in succeeding arises not from the nature of the objective you seek to surmount, but rather, from faulty reasoning in the face of adversity compelling you to resort to a more practicable station in life. And once you embrace the practicable narrative, it’s very hard to pry yourself out of the fingers of that vice like grip alternative. It amazes me, that many of us, myself included, over time, do this over and over again to ourselves in spite of our deepest fears resting confidently on the most dilapidated foundations. If only as a bold collective we would do a better job of neglecting our fears rather than our dreams, we’d all be in a much better place.
Being the living breathing spiritual energy you are in this womb of time, the main observation to be made is the impracticality of distrusting yourself. I like to dream that in the course of time, your growth will permit you to reach an equilibrium of sorts which will embed itself in your being and establish itself throughout every branch of your existence. As far as what can be attainable with a soul as capable and unique as yours, I call for no obstacle devised to impose itself upon you and what you can overcome–your own thoughts included.
A few parting thoughts for you…
- You may not have it all, but love all that you do have.
- Plenty won’t respect you. Many will ignore you. Some will hate you. Make sure your thoughts never fall under those categories regarding yourself.
- The biggest killer of your dreams isn’t failure. It’s your own self-doubt.
- It’s not what they think of you. It’s what you think of yourself.
- You don’t know what a win really is until you feel the pain of loss.
- When you take your currency, and replace money with gratitude, you ARE the richest person in the world.
–Daniel Cousin
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