Out Of Time

I encountered the warm embrace of my demise. I say warm, because that is how it felt when I was being confronted by my mortality. I will never forget the feeling. I felt the degrees of closure setting in upon me. I was overcome with a sense of calm and peace in a scene where beforehand, if you had asked me how I’d feel in such an instance, I would have recoiled, and replied with a word synonymous with fear.

When you experience how fragile life is, it changes you. It can be taken away form you “just like that.” My response, to the experience I am about to share with you, is to do more, and do so, more quickly. I promise myself that I will be more aggressive in all my pursuits, because I should be dead.

On the afternoon of September 11, 2020, at approximately 3:55pm, I suffered a blowout driving to work. Up to the point of the blowout, everything was normal.

Like every other American, I paid homage to that day in particular–to the thousands of innocent people who lost their lives on that fateful day all those years ago. But being that it was a Friday, I was in a jubilant mood, looking forward to being off work for the weekend. Despite the heavy rainfall, the sun was still shining high behind the clouds! In the midst of a severe thunderstorm, right after the blowout of my front passenger side tire, my car hydroplaned, and proceeded to spin clockwise in the middle of the highway as I was approaching a bridge.

I thank God, that no one was behind me or along the side of my car. I am also very grateful that I was the only one in the car because I really thought I was going to die. When the car lost control, and began to spin uncontrollably, there was nothing I could do. The invisible hand of a power mightier than myself had my car spinning like a gold medalist olympian ice skater. Counter-steering was out of the question in those brief seconds that felt like an eternity. All I could think to do was pump my brakes which felt totally ineffective.

My mind was perfectly calm as this transpired, because I was resigned to my fate. I felt like I was being taken away by my Father in Heaven. Instinctively, I accepted the will of God. When I found myself spinning uncontrollably, I felt the beginning of my end and immediately saw a black-and-white picture of my mother and brother in my mind. I do not know why it was black-and white but it was. And there was a white border around the image–akin to an old but clear black-and-white photo. Looking back at that, I now know I was saying goodbye to them.

I felt it. I specifically thought “this is it.”

As the car spun off from the far left lane (closest to the median) over to the shoulder on the right, I could feel the car “jumping,” as it was trying to roll over. I actually had time to think, “I can’t believe no other cars slammed into me!” My tires turned into ice skates when the car left the pavement and proceeded to skid rapidly down a long grassy plain, spinning slower here than on the highway. At this point, that sense of calm turned itself over into adrenaline, because I now thought to myself, “the car is going to roll.” The only thing I could think to do was to keep pumping my brakes, as I thought that could help slow me down. I remember, during this time for what felt like hundreds of times per second, thinking to myself, “What is going to happen next? When will this end?”

I was headed down a long slope of a grassy plain toward a very deep ditch. The only good news was this was a wide open decline I was spinning on without any trees or other natural obstructions in my path. The ditch I was spinning toward was several hundred feet downfield from the shoulder of the highway. I finally came to a stop at the nadir of the landscape (the bottom tip of the letter “V” is exactly what it was like.

Upon seeing that ditch looming ahead and closing in fast, I knew that this would be the end of this ordeal. That ditch was deep enough that I prepared myself for the impact that was to come. At this point, the car stopped spinning and I was headed straight for the ditch. I kept pumping my brakes but to no avail. I had slowed down sure enough, but I was still going too fast.

I did a couple of things prior to impact as follows: I pressed my head up against the headrest and my back/torso as far back on the seat as I could. I also straightened up my posture. I had my foot planted on the brake right up until impact–I removed my foot at the last second or two because I knew I was going to stop and I did not want to injure my knee upon impact as a result of “locking it out” against the pedal. I also had my hands on the 10 and 2 position of the wheel with my elbows just short of lockout–again, not wanting to lock out my elbows injuring my arms. So I kept a slight bend in my arms trying to lessen damage to my elbows and wrist joints. I knew this thud was going to hurt like Hell, so I acted quickly to minimize the negative effects that would result. It is amazing what the mind and body can accomplish when confronted with something so scary as this, with just seconds to spare.

I “clenched” myself before impact, expecting a body-blow unlike any I have ever felt before. It was jarring to be sure. My upper trapezius absorbed a significant impact during the resultant whiplash that occurred as a result of coming to a complete and very abrupt stop.

I came to find out a couple of things from Highway Patrol. If I had not had my seatbelt on, I would have been ejected from the car during the impact. Turns out the heavy rain saved me from rolling over down that grassy plain, as the land was saturated with water. If my tires had been able to have “grabbing” assistance/traction with the surface, that would have made it all too easy for me to roll over. However, I also think now that in retrospect had it not been raining, this accident would not have happened, because I would have just slowed down and gently pressed my brakes, “limping” the car over to the shoulder as I have done in previous blowouts (all of which were in sunny and dry conditions).

A Good Samaritan came within 120 seconds of my impact. He saw the whole thing. Immediately after absorbing the impact, I was surprised the airbag did not deploy. I was so happy to be alive I did the only thing I could do–The first person I called was my mom, who advised me to call emergency services. Not heeding her advice, I then called my dad and told him what happened. I was thrilled to be in one piece! As I hung up with him, I intended to call 911 but it turns out this Good Samaritan took care of that for me. Not only that–turns out he worked 8 years for a local rescue squad. God has his hands all over me on this hectic afternoon.

Witnessing the accident, the Good Samaritan called Highway Patrol for me during the time I was on the phone with my mom and dad, as he assumed I was “out of it.” It was raining so hard and I was so far down the hill he could not see me until he was directly up to my window. Upon seeing him approach in my rearview mirror, I immediately swung my door open whereby he encouraged me to leave my car and get into his if possible. Given the condition of my car, I did not need any encouragement. Full of adrenaline, I grabbed my things and walked up the hill to his work truck. (It was not until Highway Patrol arrived that I realized I left the car running with the transmission in “Drive.”) My nerves were pushed to the max, as I would never leave my car like that otherwise. The rain, still falling very hard, with lighting putting on a bedazzling display arching itself across the sky in spider-vein fashion, left me dripping wet, as I climbed in on the passenger side.

When Highway Patrol showed up, I turned down being “checked out” by emergency services. I had no visible injuries. The final impact was extremely jarring but no airbags deployed. I assumed I would be very sore the next few days but it was nothing I could not handle given my years of dedicated weight training. I wanted to save the emergency help for people that really needed it. After getting my “totaled out” car towed to my house, I ordered Chinese.

Later in the evening, after calling my aunt and filling her in on what happened, I spoke to my dad one last time. Ironically, both my aunt and he advised me to take some Tylenol before bed as I would wake up sore the next morning. Just before 11pm that night I did just that and I went on to sleep soundly until 5:38am the following morning. I was wide awake over 3 hours earlier than I normally am, and I did not go back to sleep. In my first moments, upon waking, I was overwhelmed with this feeling that I have slept far too much in life. There is so much more that I need to do and get done. I knew I was given a second chance. In that moment, sleep was the last thing I wanted.

The kicker is not only was I alive–I was pain free. Physically, it is as if the accident and resultant whiplash never happened. I suffered ZERO physical pain as a result of this accident which left my car totaled. I credit the one true Almighty God for keeping me. In my heart, mind, and soul, I know the real reason of how I am still alive.

Secondly, I credit the years of heavy Deadlifts in the gym lifting 2-3 times my bodyweight giving me many more layers of muscle tissue around my spinal column than what would be the case if I were sedentary. (Weight-lifting does have it’s perks!) In fact, the day after the accident, I was in the gym training my back, doing heavy Deadlifts. I take none of this for granted, because I know how close I came.

Thank you God for enabling me to fight the good fight. Thank you for blessing and keeping me. Thank you for shining your light down upon me. I will do better and be better Father. I will be the man you want me to be with all the time I have left remaining. And to you, the reader, I will write the very best I can, with regard to helping you put permanent improvements, toward the betterment of your life.

Thank you for your time.

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–Daniel Cousin

E-Mail: daniel@danielcousin.com