How To Become Your Identity

*When you walk up the stairs carrying the water of other’s, by the sweat of your brow, you will learn the value of every drop. For additional context to this post, please refer to my last one HERE.*

No one is greater at being you, than you.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve seen two things to be true and clear: The greatest riches in life come about once you discover who you are. And with that, the satisfaction of being happy with what you find when you look in the mirror.

The mirror isn’t strictly about what you see (it’s deeper than that). You know how you look (or think you look). Here, we are going beyond looks–I want you to open the eyes of your mind, peel through the layers of the mirror your mind constructed, and really look through what you are seeing, so you can see what you find. What do you find when you look in the mirror? It is about this matter in particular that I want to speak with you today.

Why is this important? It’s because you have a job to do–one that only you can fulfill.

You can have six-pack abs in the mirror and love what you see, but hate what you find.

Nothing resonates with me more than what I just stated because I’ve lived it. Hating what you find is the ultimate killer of man’s innate genius given freely to him by the most high. With your genius suppressed, you think nothing. And when you think nothing, you become nothing. Before long, that darkest of thoughts begins to creep in when ending it seems to be the only option that makes sense. I know how it feels to be so far down the tumult tunnel of despair where the only thing that makes sense is ending it. Thankfully, I did not follow through with that, but instead, chose to climb out of the hole I dug for myself instead of continuing to blame anyone or anything for putting me there in the first place.

I had to find my story, and then, make the necessary adjustments. The actions you take and the choices you make really do determine how bright your star will shine. Life, is like a big show. We all put our best selves forward when out in public. We wear masks so that we’re able to perpetrate a narrative that we want other’s to follow with regard to who we are. When you go out in public, who are you? Are you wearing your mask (I’m not talking about a Covid-19 one), or are you being you?

Behind every mask there is a face and behind that, our true identity. Once I got tired of competing against people who pretended not to see me, life returned to me a newfound clarity. As you get older, you look back and think about all the things that didn’t work out the way you wanted them to, and instead of regret, you experience quiet relief. When you learn to ignore people who think they know more about you than you do, you see the upshot of leaving your masks at home.

These changes didn’t happen overnight. Only a mix of successes and failures can mix the right recipe. Inwardly, I was filled with tremendous pain that comes from being rejected. That all started way back when when my parents divorced. I carried that “chip” of my Dad not being there for me for over 20 years. As stated in previous posts, most of what I know, I had to learn all on my own, and I still do. I wasn’t blessed with a blueprint, so I had no semblance of a path. Everything that I have, I’ve had to discover almost entirely on my own. The anger that formed and cemented itself in me over a 20 year span with a viciousness that was quietly merciless. That said, probably the biggest difference maker for me was I looked for ways to control my anger. Even if you can’t suppress it, you can control it. What I mean by that is, instead of dealing with it in destructive ways, you can put it to good use and be constructive. Anger doesn’t have to be used for hellfire and brimstone–you can create peace and beauty with it. It’s all about taking something bad, and doing something good with it.

Stop getting mad at other’s when they don’t support you. Most of them can’t support themselves!

Being that 2021 has just begun, my only resolution is to continue to harden my resolve–I want to be so busy at loving life that I don’t have time to wallow in regret, sadness, or past defeats. You really do only have time to look forward. By doing this you are taking your anger and dealing with it constructively. When you’ve been let down in the past, what you have to do is stop looking forward to more let downs in the future. When all you focus on is other’s letting you down, you’ll only find yourself mired in anger or depression–as you know, two very destructive emotions. When you set out to do something, make sure you are operating from the right place. This isn’t about proving other’s wrong or getting back at people. If you spend all your time getting back at everybody that said you couldn’t do it, by doing so, you are literally supporting their own false narrative. And by doing this, you’re taking on an identity that is diametrically opposed to yours, so in the end, when you look in the mirror, even if you like what you see, you won’t like what you find. Trust me when I say I found these things out the hard way.

Would you rather spend your life proving yourself to other’s, or, would you rather spend your life doing what you were sent here to do? I want to see to it that everything you do supports your identity. So long as you hold onto grudges, anger, and masks for every public occasion, at the end of the day, you won’t even recognize yourself. I don’t care how much material gain you have, you’ll find yourself unhappy still, and won’t even know why. Ever see a super successful larger-than-life person depressed to the point where they contemplate or even commit suicide? In their wake, no one can understand how or why this happened. Well… this is the why and how.

In my experience, I’d say now that most of the reason why I was so lost in my 20’s was that I spent the majority of my time gallivanting trying to impress other’s when I should have been taking that same time and energy working on creating my vision. You see, when you’re angry, you’ll do anything to be happy. So impressing other’s was my way of creating an emotional and psychological diversion of sorts. All along, I thought I was doing the things I needed to do to get ahead, but at best, I was treading water. So in terms of creating and cultivating my identity, throughout my 20’s I never really supported that effort, because I didn’t believe in myself ( that would come much later). So since I didn’t believe in myself, the next best thing or the only thing, was to go after the approbation of other’s, even at the expense of being someone I wouldn’t even recognize in the mirror.

You’re so worried about carrying everyone else’s water you don’t even think to think about who’s carrying yours. That ends now. You have a job to do. So now, let’s get started with getting you to be you. You may be asking, “How does one go about being themselves when they don’t really know who they are?” That’s a fair question and one that I meditated on for years and in fact, I still do to this day, hence this post. While I don’t have all the answers I will tell you what worked for me. Before I go into it, the best part is anyone can practice this method, because it doesn’t cost a thing. All that is required is time and a can-do attitude. Here it is as follows:

If you don’t know who you are, find someone that does something (a job) you resonate with. In addition, seek out other people who are already at a station in life you deeply want to take part in living. Use the resources of the internet and social media to make this easy for you. As you know, everyone can be found on the internet today. Even if you haven’t the slightest idea of who you really are, there are probably people you follow right now who are doing what you really want to do and who are living the life you really want to live. Be honest with yourself knowing full well that you know exactly what it is you want. Don’t think about the impossibilities of it. Take away the “im” and you’re left with possibilities… limitless in scope.

I’ll tell you that when I first started practicing this, I used to “see” myself in the same room as the very people I began to model myself after. They could be people from the past or the present. Sometimes after having read a book about a great historical figure such as Abraham Lincoln, I’ve seen myself in the very same room as Lincoln (seriously!) deeply engaged in a conversation with someone who has long since passed. He is just one example. Every time I read a book by or about someone, I do this. The open secret of the mind is how unlimited it is. That’s why it’s going to take thousands of posts to really probe the surface of the unfathomably complex.

To get to your true identity, you’ve got to walk into the rooms of your mind that have never seen the light of your eyes.

I will read a book by or about some distinguished figure in history and then place that very person in a room with me. When you have enough information about someone, no matter who they are, you can download a copy of them in your own mind and find yourself in the same room as them and do so on demand. That is the power of your mind. This is but one of the many measures I undertook to get at finding and forming my identity. In terms of people, if I can read enough about them, or get enough information on them, I can do a mental download of that person–almost like a digitized copy of their spirit so to speak. With this copy, I can do whatever I want. (I will be sure to elaborate on this in subsequent posts as this subject is too broad and complex to condense in a few pages.)

Whether you realize it or not, you can do the same thing with people on social media, in particular, if they engage back with you via direct messaging. In essence, I am building a copy of all the traits that naturally resonate with me–that’s how I found myself. Whatever vision I have of myself or of my life, I attract those things that fit with my vision by pulling them to me. By doing this, you are finding yourself by finding other’s who are like you just enough, so that you are able to at least lay the groundwork of your life plan (i.e. blueprint).

God will put the very resources required to get you where you want to be right where you need them when you need them. But remember, it is up to you to seek it. It will not fall from the sky and gently land on your lap. Seek and ye shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Understand–There’s a clear distinction here between seeking it, and it being freely given. If you seek it, (even if you don’t think you are) you are prepared for it. If it’s just freely given to you, you are unprepared, because you haven’t done the groundwork necessary to take advantage of the blessing being given you. Whenever you are given more than you can handle, it’s easy to find yourself overwhelmed. In order for you to take full advantage of your unique identity, you have to prepare yourself. Only after doing so will you be ready. This, is why these things take time. Your greatness takes time, otherwise, you wouldn’t be great. Look at it this way: What would you rather have–A house that was built in just one day, or one that took 8 months time? I think we all know the answer to which one of those options offers superior standards of quality and longevity. You operate exactly the same way. Time won’t kill you–it will only make you stronger.

You have everything you need to get your job done. Finding who you really are is the main challenge. After that, you just need to surround yourself around like minded people whether it be through books or social media or face-to-face. Developing a connection is key here. You can become your identity but as I’ve shown, you have to seek it. Just as important as seeking it is not being afraid of it. If you’re bound in fear you’ll never be free until you let it go. You can easily be afraid of who you are, particularly when you’re driven by the thoughts and opinion’s of other’s. Again, if you find yourself in this ditch, it will only end with your anger, depression, or worse. The only way out is active participation on your part every single day.

I assure you the effort on your part is well worth it. Even if you love what you see, you’ll find there’s nothing better than loving what you find.

1. Love yourself.
2. Trust in yourself.
3. Build on yourself daily.
4. Be who you really are–there’s no one else like you on Earth.
5. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.

–Daniel Cousin

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